Unfortunately, we are not one big happy family (see pic below).

Case in point, the ish hit the fan

when my mom called me this past Saturday to tell me that my fave aunty (orig fave aunty passed almost 10yrs ago) will be visiting MI from GA at the end of the month and she (my aunt) wants the fam to get together and go out to eat at Fishbones Rhythm Cafe in Detroit. My mother goes on to say that my cousin (my aunt’s daughter) insists that I show up. Hmmm, it sounds like a good idea. And I haven’t seen my aunt in almost a year.

I immediately commit and then I remember…family drama.

I asked my mom who will be in attendance?

IMMEDIATELY my mom goes on the defense and asks, ‘WHY?!’

My mama already knew why, so she might as well’ve just answered the question…she didn’t.

I replied, “obviously because I want to know.”

She then goes on to say, ” u know what Bree…we’re family and my sister simply wants us to get together as a family…”

Before she could continue beating around the bush, I said ‘yeah yeah yeah blah blah blah…who’s going to be there??’

Knowing I wouldn’t change the subject nor allow her to change the subject she started naming names,’…’Raine will be there, Inga, Jenny, Pie..’

I said , ‘Pie?!’ oh I know I’m not going now.”

then my mama- in an indignantly rude manner that is exclusive only to her asks “WHY?? WHAT’S WRONG WITH PIE?!

I looked at my cell phone as if it insulted my intelligence.

sigh

my mama knew what was wrong with Pie, because for years I have told her what WAS WRONG with Pie!

And like all other things that causes her (mama) discomfort, she simply sweeps the issue under the rug.

Well not today.

I pulled that rascal back-and exposed some dirt!

I replied, besides ‘her bragging ________(car, home, grandkids, kids, husband, job, great-granddaughter, church, hair, clothes, dog, doctors, prescriptions, pharmacist, car door, neighbor, surgery, doctor, groceries, kids’ school clothes, etc), cutting you off when ur speaking, changing the subject when a topic hits too close to home, being fake as hell, always having to ‘one-up’ you (’oh Sista ur greatgrand baby started walking at 1? Chile mine’s was walking and taking out trash at 4 mos-Sandra trained that chile real good!!’), taking mental notes of you (what u wear, what u said, what u ate etc) so she can talk about u with her daughter afterwards -NOTHING IS WRONG.’

For a reason, only known to my mother, she blames me for not wanting to be around my aunt, and excuses her 60-something yr old sister for her hurtful, insulting behavior. Nevermind that this woman has also offended her(my mama) grandkids.

My children will have nothing to do with her and I don’t blame them-cuz I won’t either!

You’d think my mom would at least have a ‘talk’ with her sister.

She refuses.

Btw, my mother is the oldest child.

I understand that my mom is not like me-she’s not confrontational (i didn’t say argumentative). If something bothers me, I address head on.

I don’t talk behind your back. Approx 96% of my fam talks behind your back, instead of seeking resolution. Ok, that’s fine. But what will it take for my mom to say enuf, Pie you will not continue to provoke my child?!

When she insulted my mother, my mother didn’t say anything.

I told her (my mama) if u like it, I love it. Cuz she’d (my mama) do nothin but blame me if I jumped in. so i left it alone.

Question: why do I have to go to Fishbone’s, give them ALL OF MY $$ AND be held hostage (voluntarily) as my aunt regale us with tales she’s spinned in her head on her way to the restaurant, when I can get that for free come Xmas?? Needless to say, my mother’s pissed. I told my mom she’s the least of my concern. My children are my greatest concern…and I will not subject them to insults and back-handed compliments from my aunt.

Unlike most families, we were not raised to be close.

We just weren’t.

My mother and her siblings raised their children (not my grandparents’ doing) independent of each other. There was no cohesion coming up, and there is none today.

“Family” reunions feel more like a block party-getting to know ur neighbors and familiar faces…but u didn’t go out of your way to be social

I have no bond with my aunt, and it’s not for a lack of trying.  She for whatever reason has put forth no effort to establish a relationship with me, and since I’ve accepted that (maybe a little to easily), my mother has issues with my nonchalant attitude towards her.

My aunt is a stranger and when we speak, I honestly can’t wait for the conversation to end!

Do I love her? Of course.

Do I like her?? HELL NAW!

I just cannot in my heart of hearts sit down at a table, eat and simultaneously swallow the crap that will come out of my aunt’s mouth.

David Blaine couldn’t do that suspended in air standing on the head of a stick pin will submerged upside down in my favorite coffee cup, on a hot-cold-wintry-summer-after-night.

So don’t expect me to!

Images source: Google Images

sigh.

It was nice while it laste, oh whom am I kidding??

I knew were pretty much a wrap, after about a month and a half. I’ve written a little about my ‘episode’…yeah, I guess that what i’d refer to it as…an episode on my other blog U Betta Recognize but I just can’t get over how in looking back over my life…I (for some reason) attract men who are nicely wrapped (like a wonderful Xmas present), but ends up having serious issues.

what. the.hell.

LIAR

(Lying by omission, is STILL LYING…cuz I ALWAYS ASK the RIGHT QUESTIONS!!)

CHEATER (TO ME FLIRTING IS CHEATING, AND WHAT??)

MENTALLY ILL

ISSUES ISSUES ISSUES

I’m trying to remain encouraged, but the last episode (mentally ill) included a nice, chivalrous (despite his MANY ISSUES he NEVER failed to open/close my door) older gentleman of 48. He was well-mannered, nice in appearance but something about him just seemed off. I just chalked it up to him being (forgive me if offend anyone), a nerd. Where I have book/street smarts, he simply had book smarts. I admit it was very attractive…but he was just plain awkward. That’s the only I can describe it. Awkward to the point of being plum embarrassing! For example, upon meeting new people he’d break the ice with a joke. Then another joke, and then another joke, and then anoth-, well u get the idea. When I introduced him to my mother, because he didn’t know what to say-HE HUGGED HER.

My mother was like what.the.hell.

That wasn’t the worse part. sigh. When he spoke he pontificated, and I don’t mean as a Bishop, either. This man spoke incessantly for at least 8 minutes. How do I know?? I TIMED HIM! I live in an apartment on the 2nd flr, right? Well knowing he would still be rambling if I put the phone down, I’d go downstairs to my car, come back up, get something to drink, use the bathroom, wash my hands, and pick up my cell and HE’D STILL BE CHATTERING AWAY… smh Then what results is that I have now become soooo incensed at his arrogrance and lack of courtesy for the OTHER PERSON ON THE PHONE…ME-that I would butt in and tell him how rude and selfish his behavior was and that I did not appreciate being held hostage. After consistently being the inactive party in a dialogue, his words just ran together and began to sound like:

I then resorted to holding conversations via text messaging. That way i can choose what to read, he was a itty texter, and I didn’t have to hear his voice.

Yes, i was developing some issues.

But the mentally ill part came in that for the first 2 wks we had met…it was beautiful-poetry, cards etc. He was happy.

Around the 16th day, I noticed he ALWAYS complained. He complained about his life, but he always lived in the past. He had lost his career after 9/11 as an engineer and never made the $$$ since that time. Well many people were affected, and didn’t sit around feeling sorry for themselves. They made lemon out of lemonade. I’d give him biblical scriptures to encourage him-but after about the 4th day I was getting upset.

IMO it seems he wanted me to do the work for him. He wanted me to have the answers for his life. No thanks, I have my own and my children’s to deal with thank you.

It was soon after that, that I noticed that he used manipulative tactics. For instance, I do not want to hear about females from my man’s past. I just don’t. So he would say, here check my phone (knowing I’m nosy) and lo and behold-there was a females number in his call history! It didn’t take long to realize that he derived some type of perverse pleasure when I would ‘tripp’

Also bcuz he had never ‘been in the streets’ he was very condescending and unsympathetic towards people who were down on their luck (nevermind that accdg to him HE was down on his luck, and was depressing at least 5/7 days a week!)

what.the.hell

It grew to the point that the relationship episode had become tiring. In two short months, I was now certifiably miserable.

When the time came to “have the talk,” I let D.J. (not his real initials) know the relationshi episode was not progressing. I am not going to make u happy, while I’m chronically miserable, it’s a wrap. Lights out.

When D.J. expressed his feelings, he said he would do better–but shoot he had been saying that for 1.5 mos now. When he saw i was unmoved, he played the mutha of ALL CARDS.

The SUICIDE card.

U MUST BE KIDDING ME?!

Keeping in mind that I have had 3 FRIENDS/ASSOCIATES in my life commit suicide, and my son’s 14 y/o classmate was found hanging by his own hand last year-I DO NOT PLAY, OK?

Anyhooo…knowing D.J., was a coward (and he is proud of that fact) I called his bluff. I asked him if he were going to take pills, when did he plan to commit the act, and if he went thru w-it write his mom/bro letters saying it’s not their fault.

He said he was going to commit suicide that night, and when “they” (people) come to me and ask WHY I (Bria) allowed it to happen, I’ll have to deal with it.

I told him I know how depressing he was, his mama, and his bro knew too. Nobody would come to me, and if they did-my conscious was clear. And he had the wrong sista cuz I don’t give into to emotional blackmail!

Short story long- he did not commit suicide. I drove up to his car the next day-and said I was praying for him. (I actually need to that-I haven’t cuz I was toooo outdone! smh)

The little respect I had for him quickly fizzled out.

He did text me recently, asking for a reconciliation (seriously)

Ohh hellllz to the nizzzawwll!

I do wish him the best.

Honestly…I give up on relationships.

Historically, it seems as soon as I am happy to be in a relationship the ugliness rears its ugly head, and the relationship is virtually over.

sigh

pray for me, fam.

]]> http://briasownwords.com/2008/07/13/okso-he-wasnt-the-one/feed/ http://briasownwords.com/2008/06/02/5/ http://briasownwords.com/2008/06/02/5/#comments Mon, 02 Jun 2008 09:58:04 +0000 Bria http://briasownwords.com/?p=132 test

thanks for understanding…

bria

Turning 40 has been a blessing in my life. My mind has opened towards things, I formerly opposed. For ex., schooling. While I’m exhausted from going to school (University of Phoenix, Bachelor’s Admin)…I know I can’t quit now. I was going to immediately go into their Master’s program…I mean it seemed like the logical thing to do. However, it was put upon me sooooo tough to go to LAW SCHOOL. Myself…I was opposed to it, in that I felt I was too old to go to law school. Also, I did not think I could carry that school load. If I was younger…I would go into entertainment law and swim with the rest of the sharks. Now that I’ve tasted the corporate life, and seen 1st hand how ‘politics’ can hurt the low man on the totem pole, my focus has shifted towards leveling the playing field. It is my desire to work on behalf of the EEOC or an equivalent. At my place of employment people are scared to fight due to retribution. It’s called the Whistleblower Protection Act, people!! Accdg to my calculations, I have about another year b4 my bachelor’s degree is completed, and then I’ll go directly to law school. I’m thinking about applying to Detroit’s illustrious Wayne State University Law School.

While it is a daunting task, I am up for the challenge. I ask for your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement. I’ve had enough of trying to climb a corporate ladder that only rewards a selected few for their individualism. While there is a higher accountability being an attorney, I’ve chosen to not go into a law specialty that will cause me to lose a) sleep, or b) my dignity/integrity. I’m not trying to be a hero…but God has given me the gifts of logic, debate, and fighting for the underdog…and it took 39yrs to know those are ingredients that are conducive to my becoming a lawyer. I don’t want to change the world, I just want the average Joe to know that he/she can fight back.

**for more info on Whistleblower law…check out Whistleblower Laws

–Bria

Sir Paul McCartney, left, holds a pennant presented to him as he walks in the academic procession to the Yale University Commencement ceremonies in New Haven, Conn., Monday, May 26.

CONGRATS PAUL!

]]> http://briasownwords.com/2008/05/26/hes-a-knight-and-a-doctor/feed/ http://briasownwords.com/2008/05/26/more-celebrity-mag-features/ http://briasownwords.com/2008/05/26/more-celebrity-mag-features/#comments Mon, 26 May 2008 21:30:06 +0000 Bria http://briasownwords.com/?p=127 More Scans for the stans…

fresh from Urban Scanz

Mrs. Cannon’s Vibe Mag pictorial

Non-ebony, but still fab ladies of SATC

actor, Christian Keyes…sigh

Now that Al Reynold’s cash cow, Star Jones has tied knots in her purse strings…what’s Al to do??

Peddle your wares to the highest bidder of course!

According to New Daily News (not sure how reputable they are) Al is ‘‘looking for a six-figure deal for an interview where he dishes about being married to Star.”

WWC’S (WOMEN WITH CURVES) UNITE!

We must come together and stop this heathen, and his low rent antics. I say we take turns sittin’ on him until he’s a total heap of numbness! I’m not all that crazy about Star…but didn’t he have a ‘job’ b4 he met Star?? MMMHMMMMM…I live by this, and Janet, J-Lo, and Halle will cosign with me on this:

If the rascal looks BETTER THAN YOU…throw him back in the water, and keep fishing. That’s all i’m gon’ say on that one.

Sen. Ted Kennedy (America’s Royalty) has apparently suffered a seizure, not a stroke according to CNN. Details are still developing. Recently, Kennedy made news when he endorsed Obama. Thoughts and prayers are with Kennedy and his family.