I’m realllly getting fed up with the quality of men I’m meeting , i’ve met but who are now relegated in my life as ‘formers’, ‘exes’. They view me as their ‘fallback’-you know, if it’s a quiet night cuz their girls are doing their thang…or let’s say they have nothin better to do..they’ll have an epiphany and call me. Or they’ve ended a relationship…so now I’m receiving texts and phone calls from them. Bottom line…i have nothing else better to do-let me call bree! okkkkkk

Admittedly, during my times of vulnerability and being forever a *closet* romantic there have been times when I’ve backtracked and attempted to finish what we started-to no avail. I have on occasion hoped against hope that maybe this time we’ll get it right. Haaaaa!

Case in point:

My first love. Wow…i fell for the rascal hook-line-and sinker at a Jehovah’s Witness convention when i was 15. YEAH, YEAH I was a J.W. but I digress. Jordan was all I could have wished for, he was:

• slightly older
• employed
• had his own car

and

• was very respectful

Jordan faithfully picked me up at my bus stop in high school, we went to baseball games, basketball games etc etc….until he broke my heart. I mean I gave my virtue to him when I was 16-I mean, I thought I was going to marry him-until he broke my heart at 17. Sooo a couple of years pass and at 20 yrs of age we reunite-I get pregnant (pregnancy was terminated) and due to immature issues-he broke my heart-again. Even tried again in my 30’s-he didn’t break my heart this time because by then I guarded my heart. He has never loved me the way I loved him and he never will be able to. So why does he keep telling me he loves me when I KNOW he’s selfish and a liar?? This isn’t news to him-cuz when I catch in said untruth, I call him on the carpet. I’m not being mean…it’s just fact. I mean he’s shown me that consistently for 25yrs. But you want to marry me *scoff* yeah ok.

‘Nother case in point:

Guy #2 and I dated 3-4 yrs ago…calls me during his dry spells. We had GREAT chemistry during our dating season. Wherever we were, laughter was sure to follow, his kids loved me and I loved them yada yada yada…the problem?? His ego. Attention from ONE WOMAN was/is not enuf for him. We went our separate ways, but have maintained contact thru the occasional email, or phone call. Recently (last 30 days) he called me and we met up at the DIA (Detroit Institute of Arts) and had a hilarious time! I’m serious-there were laughs after laughs after laug ok u get the idea. Feelings that I thought were gone but were simply dormant began to stir up, funny memories were spoken of and then he said he wanted to rekindle a relationship. Sounds nice right? *scoff* Uhhh…no. I asked about his attention-seeking-from-other-women-disease, and he laughed.  Shooooot, I didn’t know i said something funny!  He then said, ‘ok Bree, I do have a problem, ok?’  Uhhh tell me something I didn’t know. I know u have a problem-it’s the same problem u had when were 2gether. And I’m thinking ‘So u’ve never done anything about that?!’  hmmmm…ok.  Well I’m straight on you ok?  And honestly, he doesn’t understand the problem smh.  He doesn’t have to.  I go out with other guys and tell him about it and he gets mad. Whatev, dude.  I told him he can’t be anything but a friend, so why was he trippin’??  Do they even need a reason to tripp?? Where are the brothers who say they want a good strong woman?  I told dude #1, brothas get mad when sistas date out of their race, but what are we to do when the BROTHAS continue to disrespect us?? Don’t we deserve to be treated well??

Why is it that women who DOG men in their relationships, have men who are the most loyal??  but the women who are loyal to their men, are cheated on-disrespected in some type of way??

I don’t know if it’s bcuz I’m 40 but…I’ve made a decision to not limit myself to the ‘brothas’ anymore.

I am open to interracial relationships.  Not bcuz I’m tired of black men (although their ways <those I’ve experienced-not all!> leaves a lot to be desired)

I’m going to weigh my options, and if anotha-’brotha’-of-anotha-cola wants to holla at me…I’m going to see what’s up.

I’m not one of those A.B.W (angry black women) who get mad, tripp out, cuss out black men who date women who aren’t black.  I could care less-do you boo.

By that same virtue-I’m going to do me.  

I’ve lived long enuf to know that one man’s trash (i’m not trash-u know what i mean! Come on, relax) is another man’s treasure.  I will not settled until I am treasured.

What my brothas won’t do- someone else will.

Unfortunately, we are not one big happy family (see pic below).

Case in point, the ish hit the fan

when my mom called me this past Saturday to tell me that my fave aunty (orig fave aunty passed almost 10yrs ago) will be visiting MI from GA at the end of the month and she (my aunt) wants the fam to get together and go out to eat at Fishbones Rhythm Cafe in Detroit. My mother goes on to say that my cousin (my aunt’s daughter) insists that I show up. Hmmm, it sounds like a good idea. And I haven’t seen my aunt in almost a year.

I immediately commit and then I remember…family drama.

I asked my mom who will be in attendance?

IMMEDIATELY my mom goes on the defense and asks, ‘WHY?!’

My mama already knew why, so she might as well’ve just answered the question…she didn’t.

I replied, “obviously because I want to know.”

She then goes on to say, ” u know what Bree…we’re family and my sister simply wants us to get together as a family…”

Before she could continue beating around the bush, I said ‘yeah yeah yeah blah blah blah…who’s going to be there??’

Knowing I wouldn’t change the subject nor allow her to change the subject she started naming names,’…’Raine will be there, Inga, Jenny, Pie..’

I said , ‘Pie?!’ oh I know I’m not going now.”

then my mama- in an indignantly rude manner that is exclusive only to her asks “WHY?? WHAT’S WRONG WITH PIE?!

I looked at my cell phone as if it insulted my intelligence.

sigh

my mama knew what was wrong with Pie, because for years I have told her what WAS WRONG with Pie!

And like all other things that causes her (mama) discomfort, she simply sweeps the issue under the rug.

Well not today.

I pulled that rascal back-and exposed some dirt!

I replied, besides ‘her bragging ________(car, home, grandkids, kids, husband, job, great-granddaughter, church, hair, clothes, dog, doctors, prescriptions, pharmacist, car door, neighbor, surgery, doctor, groceries, kids’ school clothes, etc), cutting you off when ur speaking, changing the subject when a topic hits too close to home, being fake as hell, always having to ‘one-up’ you (’oh Sista ur greatgrand baby started walking at 1? Chile mine’s was walking and taking out trash at 4 mos-Sandra trained that chile real good!!’), taking mental notes of you (what u wear, what u said, what u ate etc) so she can talk about u with her daughter afterwards -NOTHING IS WRONG.’

For a reason, only known to my mother, she blames me for not wanting to be around my aunt, and excuses her 60-something yr old sister for her hurtful, insulting behavior. Nevermind that this woman has also offended her(my mama) grandkids.

My children will have nothing to do with her and I don’t blame them-cuz I won’t either!

You’d think my mom would at least have a ‘talk’ with her sister.

She refuses.

Btw, my mother is the oldest child.

I understand that my mom is not like me-she’s not confrontational (i didn’t say argumentative). If something bothers me, I address head on.

I don’t talk behind your back. Approx 96% of my fam talks behind your back, instead of seeking resolution. Ok, that’s fine. But what will it take for my mom to say enuf, Pie you will not continue to provoke my child?!

When she insulted my mother, my mother didn’t say anything.

I told her (my mama) if u like it, I love it. Cuz she’d (my mama) do nothin but blame me if I jumped in. so i left it alone.

Question: why do I have to go to Fishbone’s, give them ALL OF MY $$ AND be held hostage (voluntarily) as my aunt regale us with tales she’s spinned in her head on her way to the restaurant, when I can get that for free come Xmas?? Needless to say, my mother’s pissed. I told my mom she’s the least of my concern. My children are my greatest concern…and I will not subject them to insults and back-handed compliments from my aunt.

Unlike most families, we were not raised to be close.

We just weren’t.

My mother and her siblings raised their children (not my grandparents’ doing) independent of each other. There was no cohesion coming up, and there is none today.

“Family” reunions feel more like a block party-getting to know ur neighbors and familiar faces…but u didn’t go out of your way to be social

I have no bond with my aunt, and it’s not for a lack of trying.  She for whatever reason has put forth no effort to establish a relationship with me, and since I’ve accepted that (maybe a little to easily), my mother has issues with my nonchalant attitude towards her.

My aunt is a stranger and when we speak, I honestly can’t wait for the conversation to end!

Do I love her? Of course.

Do I like her?? HELL NAW!

I just cannot in my heart of hearts sit down at a table, eat and simultaneously swallow the crap that will come out of my aunt’s mouth.

David Blaine couldn’t do that suspended in air standing on the head of a stick pin will submerged upside down in my favorite coffee cup, on a hot-cold-wintry-summer-after-night.

So don’t expect me to!

Images source: Google Images

My Future…

Turning 40 has been a blessing in my life. My mind has opened towards things, I formerly opposed. For ex., schooling. While I’m exhausted from going to school (University of Phoenix, Bachelor’s Admin)…I know I can’t quit now. I was going to immediately go into their Master’s program…I mean it seemed like the logical thing to do. However, it was put upon me sooooo tough to go to LAW SCHOOL. Myself…I was opposed to it, in that I felt I was too old to go to law school. Also, I did not think I could carry that school load. If I was younger…I would go into entertainment law and swim with the rest of the sharks. Now that I’ve tasted the corporate life, and seen 1st hand how ‘politics’ can hurt the low man on the totem pole, my focus has shifted towards leveling the playing field. It is my desire to work on behalf of the EEOC or an equivalent. At my place of employment people are scared to fight due to retribution. It’s called the Whistleblower Protection Act, people!! Accdg to my calculations, I have about another year b4 my bachelor’s degree is completed, and then I’ll go directly to law school. I’m thinking about applying to Detroit’s illustrious Wayne State University Law School.

While it is a daunting task, I am up for the challenge. I ask for your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement. I’ve had enough of trying to climb a corporate ladder that only rewards a selected few for their individualism. While there is a higher accountability being an attorney, I’ve chosen to not go into a law specialty that will cause me to lose a) sleep, or b) my dignity/integrity. I’m not trying to be a hero…but God has given me the gifts of logic, debate, and fighting for the underdog…and it took 39yrs to know those are ingredients that are conducive to my becoming a lawyer. I don’t want to change the world, I just want the average Joe to know that he/she can fight back.

**for more info on Whistleblower law…check out Whistleblower Laws

–Bria

My words are this…Detroit Mayor has bitten off more than he can chew. He’s in over his head, and his reputation is goin to be dirtier than mud/clay mixed. If you’re unawares Kwame, Detroit’s youngest mayor ever…had an affair w/his Chief of Staff Christine Beatty and his “sex texts” on his state given cell was revealed and publicized. Now suspicions has circled around him like vultures and a carcass when a stripper was killed at the Manoogian Mansion (Mayor’s residence). Believing evidence may lie on past texts, motions were filed to release the rest of past texts. Kwame filed to suppress. Well yesterday the Michigan State Supreme Court-denied Mayor Kwame Kilpatrice. It’s on now….

Release Of Secret Documents Not An End To Mayor’s Trouble

DETROIT — Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick has lost one battle in an ongoing text-messaging sex scandal, but his next fight may be to stay out of legal jeopardy while saving his job as head of one of the nation’s largest cities.Download: Read Lawyer’s Deposition About Secret Documents

Exhibits Released
Statement: Statement From Mayor’s Office
SoundOff: Do you agree with the ruling?
Timeline Of Text Message Scandal A prosecutor is expected to rule by mid-March on whether she will pursue felony perjury charges against Kilpatrick and his former top aide for statements both made under oath in a whistle-blower’s trial that eventually cost Detroit taxpayers $8.4 million.

Records made public Wednesday also reveal a trail of deceit — signed off on by Kilpatrick and former Chief of Staff Christine Beatty — detailing the cover-up of an affair between the two as a factor behind the huge settlement amount.The documents reveal how the mayor decided to quickly settle the whistleblower case.In a five-hour deposition, Mike Stefani, the fired officer’s attorney, recounted how on the last day in October he showed up to settlement negotiations with the city with an envelope detailing the text messages between the mayor and Christine Beatty, and proof they perjured themselves on the stand.The documents outline how Sam McCargo, the mayor’s attorney, opened the envelope and read it.Stefani continued, “Another 15 minutes went by. And the facilitator came back into the room and said, “He got ahold of the mayor at the airport, and the mayor has approved negotiating for a global resolution.”

Download: Read Entire Deposition About Secret Documents
Stefani said he subpoenaed the city’s communications carrier, SkyTel, for text messages from those periods because they appeared to coincide with a long-rumored wild party at the mayor’s official residence in 2002.”… the Manoogian Mansion party was supposed to have taken place in September. And I wanted to see if there were text messages about that,” Stefani said in the deposition.

And one of the exhibits released Wednesday, Exhibit 11, appeared to be proof the city wanted to cut a deal to protect the mayor’s alleged philandering. The city would not appeal an $8.4 million settlement for three police officers investigating the mayor, in exchange for the officer’s attorney to destroy thousands of text messages that exposed the mayor and his chief of staff as lovers.If the lawyer or police talked about it, they would fork over every penny of the $8.4 million the city paid them.And it wasn’t just love the mayor was hiding.

Exhibit 11 shows the mayor wanted all the banking documents showing special deals for Beatty’s current and former house turned over and destroyed.Detroit Free Press attorney Herschel Fink calls it the smoking gun in a monumental cover-up from the public and City Council.The documents were released Wednesday a few hours after the Supreme Court ruled.City lawyers initially filed an appeal with the Court of Appeals to stop Wayne County Circuit Court Judge Robert Colombo Jr.’s order releasing documents from the whistle-blowers’ agreement as well the Jan. 30 deposition of attorney Michael Stefani, who represented former Deputy Police Chief Gary Brown and officer Harold Nelthrope in the lawsuit.

A transcript of Stefani’s five-hour deposition was among the documents released Wednesday afternoon.The Supreme Court’s decision was unanimous. It concurred with an Appeals Court panel that said Colombo was correct in ordering the documents to be unsealed. They are part of an $8.4 million settlement the city made with former officers in last summer’s whistle-blowers’ suit.The Detroit Free Press and The Detroit News sued the city to get the sealed documents. In addition to the deposition, the documents released Wednesday include the initial Oct. 17 settlement agreement, which included a clause keeping the text messages secret; Kilpatrick’s rejection of that agreement on Oct. 27; and a copy of an escrow agreement detailing how documents related to the settlement would be placed into a safe deposit box.

“There’s nothing new there,” Sharon McPhail, the mayor’s legal adviser, said of the documents. “It really was all about the principle of protecting the mediation process.”In Stefani’s deposition, he explained that he thought Kilpatrick rejected the Oct. 17 agreement because the Detroit Free Press had filed a Freedom of Information Act request asking for the settlement.”I’m presuming, but don’t know for a fact, that they — that is, Mayor Kilpatrick and perhaps Beatty, did not …. want the reference to the text messages in the Settlement Agreement,” Stefani said.

After the mayor rejected the Oct. 17 agreement, a separate confidentiality agreement detailing how the text messages would be kept secret was reached Nov. 1 between all parties.Stefani was deposed by lawyers for the Detroit Free Press and The Detroit News after Colombo allowed the newspapers to question him.The city argued the documents and deposition should remain sealed because they involved communications between attorneys during court-ordered mediation, but the high court ruled “there is no FOIA exemption for settlement agreements.”City of Detroit Corporation counsel John Johnson said the city is disappointed by the ruling.”

Opening up settlement information to public view will most certainly put a chilling effect on parties trying to settle cases,” Johnson said in a statement. “This ruling discourages the city from entering into the time honored and cost effective process of mediation.”James Canning, deputy press secretary for the city of Detroit, further added to Johnson’s sentiment in a written statement released Wednesday night.” The purpose of our legal action from the beginning has been based on the principle of protecting the sanctity of the mediation process,” said Canning.” It is evident by today’s news reports that no new information has been revealed. This is just a re-hashing of information that has been published over and over during the past four weeks. We are thoroughly reviewing this document and will consider any and all appropriate legal action,” he said.

The Free Press first reported last month on the embarrassing text messages between the married mayor and Beatty, who also was married at the time. Beatty announced her resignation shortly thereafter and Kilpatrick made a televised speech apologizing to family and constituents but avoiding direct mention of the allegations.The Free Press has not said how it obtained the text messages. Kilpatrick and Beatty denied under oath having a physical relationship in the whistle-blowers’ lawsuit filed by Deputy Police Chief Gary Brown and Officer Harold Nelthrope.

Kwame and former lover, former Chief-of-Staff, Christine Beatty

They claimed they were fired or forced to resign for investigating claims that Kilpatrick used his security unit to cover up extramarital affairs.Nelthrope told Local 4 he does not hold a grudge against the city but he does have some harsh words for the mayor.”It there are things that are done inappropriately, maybe it’s better for the city that he resigns his position,” said Nelthrope.

The documents could open the door to a perjury case against Kilpatrick. Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy is investigating and has said she expects to have a decision by mid-March.Detroit City Council President Ken Cockrel Jr. said he received a subpoena from the prosecutor’s office and appeared Wednesday for a deposition. He said the deposition took about 45 minutes but declined to offer any details.Cockrel said fellow City Council member Kwame Kenyatta also appeared for a deposition on Wednesday.”This is complete indication for the idea that public officials cannot lie under oath and go behind closed doors in secrecy to make decisions with so much public money in the balance,” Free Press Editor Paul Anger said in a story posted on the paper’s Web site. “The public’s right to know has been upheld.”"Finally, as a result of The Detroit News and the Detroit Free Press, the public is about to have access to their own records,” said James E. Stewart, attorney for the News. “These are public records involving the expenditure of millions of dollars of public money that the mayor has attempted to keep from the public and the City Council.”A jury ruled against the city in September, and despite vowing to appeal that decision, Kilpatrick agreed to pay $8.4 million to the plaintiffs and a third former officer who filed a separate lawsuit.Other settlement agreement documents made public Feb. 8 reveal that Kilpatrick and Beatty authorized and signed the confidential agreement with the three officers and their attorney to keep the text messages secret.The text messages are from Beatty’s city-issued pager in 2002 and 2003.The Free Press has not said how it obtained them.

Supreme Court Justice Marilyn Kelly in Wednesday’s ruling said certain parts of the Stefani deposition involved confidential communications protected by court rules. But the city did not argue to redact those parts of the testimony and instead asked that the entire transcript be exempt from disclosure.”Because most of the deposition testimony does not fall within the parameters of (court rules), the trial judge properly decided not to exempt the entire transcript from disclosure,” Kelly wrote.

The Detroit City Council, which signed off on the settlement without knowledge of the secret deal, has opened its own investigation.”I believe that this vindicates the position of the Detroit City Council that enough is enough,” Councilwoman Sheila Cockrel said. “It is time for a transparency, time for accountability and time to take responsibility for actions that individuals have taken.”Attorney General Mike Cox applauded the Supreme Court’s decision. His office had filed a brief urging the court to allow the release of a document Kilpatrick signed showing he rejected an earlier settlement in the case. Cox said he did not have enough information on other documents the newspapers asked to be unsealed.

“The public’s going to benefit from having this information opened up,” Cox spokesman Rusty Hills said. “That’s the whole point of open government.”