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Chronicles in Online Dating (cont’d)
Bria on Sep 28, 2008 in 
So we’ve been communicating for a month now.
Ok. So this is where we’re at now. Paul (it’s not as if you even REMOTELY know who he is, lol) and I are at the point of being exclusive. Which is fine with me! When we speak on the phone it’s …how do u describe it? Well, indescribable would be fitting. It’s amazing and it’s wonderful, and I don’t want to get off the phone. U know how u want to be selfish and stay on the phone, but u can’t bcuz u have to go to work in the morning, study for your final, pick up ur kid, he has to get up EARLY in the morning, he has to study, etc? that’s where I’m at.
U know, when u decide to date online, u forget the little things. u know how it is when u move into ur 1st apartment (when ur young)-u remember the big things: bed, couch(if ur lucky), towels, clothes..but u forget the small things u need: dishwashing liquid, soap, a broom, mop, silverware etc.
Online, when contact is initiated you have to be careful to read/listen to the person carefully with understanding-don’t brush it of…like i did. I was warned about his work schedule, as he was about mine’s. But u know…we tend to brush it off in a “yeahyeahyeah-now tell me what’s ur favorite color, omg me tooooooooo” kind-of-manner until that issue (that u were warned about previously) rears its ugly head.
Because we have a major gulf between us, approximately 1k miles, all we have is the phone/pc. But let me tell you, it’s tough. U want to go out, u want a hug, u want to hear from your partner after not talking for some time, but are unable to do so. LDRs require great patience…and faith, so I’m learning.
Such is life. It’s always something isn’t it? I’m listening to my neighbor’s dog bark, and this rascal is barking incessantly. However, in listening to his (I’m assuming it’s a him) yelping, I’m able to discern that he’s by himself-and wants to be surrounded by the people he love. At least know they’re near. In undertaking this relationship, I can identify with that dog. My heart too is crying out, for intimacy, nearness…but I was aware of the distance beforehand.
I’m inspired by a wonderful friend named, Christmas. Yes that’s her name. Christmas, black, too was involved in an LDR-her bf was white. The difference is she lives in Chicago, and he lived in POLAND.
Yes, that Poland. Christmas is a lot braver than I, as the man she was involved with was also younger than her, in his mid-20’s, she’s 36. This past August, they broke up. The only word I can use to describe her state of mind, when we met is DEVASTATED. She said her (younger) ex who lives in Poland, treated her better than any American man she’s ever been involved with-as a result after being with him she would NEVER SETTLE in a relationship. She said it took a young, European white male to show her how she was supposed to be treated. Dating black men is out of the question, and Xmas is extremely selective in dating American white males. Her primary communications are between white, European men. It’s not that her Poland love he took the time to send her (and her daughter) gifts (which he did), but it was that he stayed in touch…frequently. He made it known to Xmas that she was important, and an important aspect in his life. He emailed, wrote and called her. Christmas planned to see him upcoming New Year’s, but he broke up with her this past August, citing distance as the reason. He told Xmas that it was hard going out with his friends (and their gfs), and he was by himself. It was hard talking about her to his friends and she wasn’t present. The absence proved too great to save their relationship. They were together almost 2yrs. Christmas has reluctantly moved on. But when she speaks of her ex…it is with the utmost respect and admiration, for her the distance-it was what it was. Although they still talk today on the phone, he says he cannot handle the distance in a relationship, but he is adamant about being there for support whenever she needs him. I told her only a man who’s not American would say something like that, lol. She hung in there, so she inspired me. She says for the right man she wouldn’t hesitate to do it again if he lived in Europe. If she can do it with someone in Poland, I know i can do it intra-U.S.A., I just long for more frequent conversation.
sigh
Trust is also a factor that has concerned me (after my last post-that was deleted-an issue of trust came up) When you don’t hear from someone as you usually do, and u know they’re not in the hospital…all kinds of thoughts run through your mind. Sometimes it’s justified, other times it isn’t. It’s being worked out.
I’d suggest to anyone who’s thinking of using online dating as an alternative..think carefully of the pros and cons-weigh the options. If you are needy (as I’m learning about myself-I am needy to a degree), if your partner can’t compensate that part of you, you’re headed for trouble. Talk those issues out. Get someone who can fulfill that part of you and vice versa. It’ll save yourself a lot of angst and frustration. However, if you deem that person to be worth the angst and frustration, then this quote below is for you!
Happy dating-Bria
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