Unfortunately, we are not one big happy family (see pic below).
Case in point, the ish hit the fan
when my mom called me this past Saturday to tell me that my fave aunty (orig fave aunty passed almost 10yrs ago) will be visiting MI from GA at the end of the month and she (my aunt) wants the fam to get together and go out to eat at Fishbones Rhythm Cafe in Detroit. My mother goes on to say that my cousin (my aunt’s daughter) insists that I show up. Hmmm, it sounds like a good idea. And I haven’t seen my aunt in almost a year.
I immediately commit and then I remember…family drama.
I asked my mom who will be in attendance?
IMMEDIATELY my mom goes on the defense and asks, ‘WHY?!’
My mama already knew why, so she might as well’ve just answered the question…she didn’t.
I replied, “obviously because I want to know.”
She then goes on to say, ” u know what Bree…we’re family and my sister simply wants us to get together as a family…”
Before she could continue beating around the bush, I said ‘yeah yeah yeah blah blah blah…who’s going to be there??’
Knowing I wouldn’t change the subject nor allow her to change the subject she started naming names,’…’Raine will be there, Inga, Jenny, Pie..’
I said , ‘Pie?!’ oh I know I’m not going now.”
then my mama- in an indignantly rude manner that is exclusive only to her asks “WHY?? WHAT’S WRONG WITH PIE?!
I looked at my cell phone as if it insulted my intelligence.
sigh
my mama knew what was wrong with Pie, because for years I have told her what WAS WRONG with Pie!
And like all other things that causes her (mama) discomfort, she simply sweeps the issue under the rug.
Well not today.
I pulled that rascal back-and exposed some dirt!
I replied, besides ‘her bragging ________(car, home, grandkids, kids, husband, job, great-granddaughter, church, hair, clothes, dog, doctors, prescriptions, pharmacist, car door, neighbor, surgery, doctor, groceries, kids’ school clothes, etc), cutting you off when ur speaking, changing the subject when a topic hits too close to home, being fake as hell, always having to ‘one-up’ you (’oh Sista ur greatgrand baby started walking at 1? Chile mine’s was walking and taking out trash at 4 mos-Sandra trained that chile real good!!’), taking mental notes of you (what u wear, what u said, what u ate etc) so she can talk about u with her daughter afterwards -NOTHING IS WRONG.’
For a reason, only known to my mother, she blames me for not wanting to be around my aunt, and excuses her 60-something yr old sister for her hurtful, insulting behavior. Nevermind that this woman has also offended her(my mama) grandkids.
My children will have nothing to do with her and I don’t blame them-cuz I won’t either!
You’d think my mom would at least have a ‘talk’ with her sister.
She refuses.
Btw, my mother is the oldest child.
I understand that my mom is not like me-she’s not confrontational (i didn’t say argumentative). If something bothers me, I address head on.
I don’t talk behind your back. Approx 96% of my fam talks behind your back, instead of seeking resolution. Ok, that’s fine. But what will it take for my mom to say enuf, Pie you will not continue to provoke my child?!
When she insulted my mother, my mother didn’t say anything.
I told her (my mama) if u like it, I love it. Cuz she’d (my mama) do nothin but blame me if I jumped in. so i left it alone.
Question: why do I have to go to Fishbone’s, give them ALL OF MY $$ AND be held hostage (voluntarily) as my aunt regale us with tales she’s spinned in her head on her way to the restaurant, when I can get that for free come Xmas?? Needless to say, my mother’s pissed. I told my mom she’s the least of my concern. My children are my greatest concern…and I will not subject them to insults and back-handed compliments from my aunt.
Unlike most families, we were not raised to be close.
We just weren’t.
My mother and her siblings raised their children (not my grandparents’ doing) independent of each other. There was no cohesion coming up, and there is none today.
“Family” reunions feel more like a block party-getting to know ur neighbors and familiar faces…but u didn’t go out of your way to be social
I have no bond with my aunt, and it’s not for a lack of trying. She for whatever reason has put forth no effort to establish a relationship with me, and since I’ve accepted that (maybe a little to easily), my mother has issues with my nonchalant attitude towards her.
My aunt is a stranger and when we speak, I honestly can’t wait for the conversation to end!
Do I love her? Of course.
Do I like her?? HELL NAW!
I just cannot in my heart of hearts sit down at a table, eat and simultaneously swallow the crap that will come out of my aunt’s mouth.
David Blaine couldn’t do that suspended in air standing on the head of a stick pin will submerged upside down in my favorite coffee cup, on a hot-cold-wintry-summer-after-night.
So don’t expect me to!
Images source: Google Images