BRIA’S OWN WORDS…

sigh.

It was nice while it laste, oh whom am I kidding??

I knew were pretty much a wrap, after about a month and a half. I’ve written a little about my ‘episode’…yeah, I guess that what i’d refer to it as…an episode on my other blog U Betta Recognize but I just can’t get over how in looking back over my life…I (for some reason) attract men who are nicely wrapped (like a wonderful Xmas present), but ends up being NOT WRAPPED TOO TIGHT! what. the.hell.

LIAR

(Lying by omission, is STILL LYING…cuz I ALWAYS ASK the RIGHT QUESTIONS!!)

CHEATER (TO ME FLIRTING IS CHEATING, AND WHAT??)

MENTALLY ILL

ISSUES ISSUES ISSUES

I’m trying to remain encouraged, but the last episode (mentally ill) included a nice, chivalrous (despite his MANY ISSUES- he NEVER failed to open/close my door) older gentleman of 48. He was well-mannered, nice in appearance but something about him just seemed off. I just chalked it up to him being (forgive me if offend anyone), a nerd. Where I have book/street smarts, he simply had book smarts. I admit it was very attractive…but he was just plain awkward. That’s the only I can describe it. Awkward to the point of being plum embarrassing! For example, upon meeting new people he’d break the ice with a joke. Then another joke, and then another joke, and then anoth-, well u get the idea. When I introduced him to my mother, because he didn’t know what to say-HE HUGGED HER.

My mother was like what.the.hell.

That wasn’t the worse part. sigh. When he spoke he pontificated, and I don’t mean as a Bishop, either. This man spoke incessantly for at least 8 minutes. How do I know?? I TIMED HIM! I live in an apartment on the 2nd flr, right? Well knowing he would still be rambling if I put the phone down, I’d go downstairs to my car, come back up, get something to drink, use the bathroom, wash my hands, and pick up my cell and HE’D STILL BE CHATTERING AWAY… smh Then what results is that I have now become soooo incensed at his arrogrance and lack of courtesy for the OTHER PERSON ON THE PHONE…ME-that I would butt in and tell him how rude and selfish his behavior was and that I did not appreciate being held hostage. After consistently being the inactive party in a dialogue, his words just ran together and began to sound like:                                                       

I then resorted to holding conversations via text messaging. That way i can choose what to read, he was an iffy texter, and I didn’t have to hear his voice.

Yes, i was developing some issues.

But the mentally ill part came in that for the first 2 wks we had met…it was beautiful-poetry, cards etc. He was happy.

Around the 16th day, I noticed he ALWAYS complained. He complained about his life, but he always lived in the past. He had lost his career after 9/11 as an engineer and never made the $$$ since that time. Well many people were affected, and didn’t sit around feeling sorry for themselves. They made lemon out of lemonade. I’d give him biblical scriptures to encourage him-but after about the 4th day I was getting upset.

IMO it seems he wanted me to do the work for him. He wanted me to have the answers for his life. No thanks, I have my own and my children’s to deal with thank you.

It was soon after that, that I noticed that he used manipulative tactics. For instance, I do not want to hear about females from my man’s past. I just don’t. So he would say, here check my phone (knowing I’m nosy) and lo and behold-there was a females number in his call history! It didn’t take long to realize that he derived some type of perverse pleasure when I would ‘tripp’

Also bcuz he had never ‘been in the streets’ he was very condescending and unsympathetic towards people who were down on their luck (nevermind that accdg to him HE was down on his luck, and was depressing at least 5/7 days a week!)

what.the.hell

It grew to the point that the relationship episode had become tiring. In two short months, I was now certifiably miserable.

When the time came to “have the talk,” I let D.J. (not his real initials) know the relationshi episode was not progressing. I am not going to make u happy, while I’m chronically miserable, it’s a wrap. Lights out.

When D.J. expressed his feelings, he said he would do better–but shoot he had been saying that for 1.5 mos now. When he saw i was unmoved, he played the mutha of ALL CARDS.

The SUICIDE card.

U MUST BE KIDDING ME?!

Keeping in mind that I have had 3 FRIENDS/ASSOCIATES in my life commit suicide, and my son’s 14 y/o classmate was found hanging by his own hand last year-I DO NOT PLAY, OK?

Anyhooo…knowing D.J., was a coward (and he is proud of that fact) I called his bluff. I asked him if he were going to take pills, when did he plan to commit the act, and if he decided to go thru w-it write his mom/bro letters saying it’s not their fault.

He said he was going to commit suicide that night, and when “they” (people) come to me and ask WHY I (Bria) allowed it to happen, I’ll have to deal with it.

I told him I know how depressing he was, his mama, and his bro knew too. Nobody would come to me, and if they did-my conscious was clear. And he had the wrong sista cuz I don’t give into to emotional blackmail!

Short story long- he did not commit suicide. I drove up to his car the next day-and said I was praying for him. (I actually need to that-I haven’t cuz I was toooo outdone! smh)

The little respect I had for him quickly fizzled out.

He did text me recently, asking for a reconciliation (seriously)

Ohh hellllz to the nizzzawwll!

I do wish him the best.

Honestly…I give up on relationships.

Historically, it seems as soon as I am happy to be in a relationship the ugliness rears its ugly head, and the relationship is virtually over.

sigh

pray for me, fam. p.s.  some people have asked me, if I’ve seen DJ since i broke up with him.  NO I haven’t but I seem to have residual effects from being with him, lol, sometimes I think he’s watching me (I think it’s cuz I know he suffers from some kind of mental illness, thus making me paranoid).  I know he isn’t, but having never really dealt with that type of situation up close, I have on occasion had fleeting thoughts of him just popping up and saying, “Hellllooooo, Bria…” (like on Silence of the Lambs, “Hellooooo, Clarice) lolOk, I’m trippin’ for real lol